Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
