wakey wakey hands off snakey
nutella sex= disaster
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
