tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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