I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
