You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
