Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
