ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
