I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
