So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
