we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
