im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
