i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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