You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
