my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need moral support for this bender
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
