is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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