i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
