lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
