He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
