My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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