If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
