mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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