Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
