I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
