i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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