i jhust puked up my retainher.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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