I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
