Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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