where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Enjoy the penises
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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