We're facebook friends in real life
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
