is your mom at the bar?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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