she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
