I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
