It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
