fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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