it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
