just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
