Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
