He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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