and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
