dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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