Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
