She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
