What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about my life...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
