This is not my ceiling
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
