What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
