I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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