Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
