I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
