Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
