I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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