My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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