at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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