I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
